I don't know where to start. I feel like I been beat down and left to lie on the ground. This semster felt great to start off. I embarked on a new journey and grew from the previous semester. I appreciate everything that has happened this far. Even though I'm disappointed in myself for not seriously committing to my academics this year, I can't let that stop me from going on. I have to keep growing and living. However, there will be some changes in the coming weeks. I'm getting back to neutral after the news I found out. Prior to this unfortunate news, I was battling a decision whether Columbus or New Orleans was where I needed to be. I came to that decision through a mentor, and my Brother, Dave, that Columbus was the best home for me. Academically I feel New Orleans would have made sense but that was just one pro compared to the pros of staying in Columbus. So my decision is made. I'm home. I know the journey WILL NOT be easy but I will fight till I win. It has to be better past this point. I know God wouldn't put more on me than I couldn't bear. I have to remind myself of that. It so hard to look up when your looking down. Trying to find that smile is more difficult than you think. I digress. All that to say that I'm learning and growing with each day. I accepted a new position that I was quite intimdated by but I'm taking a leap out of faith. I'm praying that God won't let me fall. As of a few weeks ago, I am currently the President of the Theta Beta Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Incorpated. Its difficult to step in this role. But I know with me, I would never have gotten to this point. So Im working on my contentness with this position. Its a huge role but I remember that I can't be afraid to fail. You all wish me luck. In additon to this new role and journey, I changed my major to Spanish with a concentration in premedicine. I figured that I should do something that makes me happy and not half-way happy. Prior to this change I was Chemistry/premed. I liked the major but I reached a conclusion it just wasn't for me. So I changed it. Those are the major changes this semester. I pray that everything works out for the best. I discover today that I've haven't forgiven somebody ; my father. And that I constantly been searching for a mentor to fill his position ALL my life. I lacked having my father in my life and I guess I blamed him for not being there. I have to forgive in order to move forward. Its funny beacause I felt that I did forgive him. But maybe that forgiveness was temporary. So here it goes....I forgive you Dad for everything. I can't continue to blame you for the past so I'm good. I'll let go and let God. Thank you God for speaking to me today. I don't know my future but I just pray that my dreams and hopes don't fade away. I'm trusting in you to make a way! I have faith that you will. I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth you are real and that I'm saved. Lord, guide me throughout the rest of the year and allow me to gain knowledge and more focusness this upcoming school year.
